Don't Hold Back: Make Your Summers Count

"Just steps from the beach!"

That sounded perfect, but there were actually 39 steps to the steps, and then 112 steps more hanging off the face of a cliff. My calves went into spasms after bounding up and down them, pretending it was fine. At least my feet eventually got to sink into the sand, but it made me think how often we are led astray thinking our dreams are only steps away when the reality is often very different. We think we have plenty of time to make all the needed steps we plan to take only to find our timing was off and/or our expectations were, too. 

I'm sure you've heard that you may only have ~18 summers with your kids before they're grown, so make the best of them. If that isn't daunting enough for parents, the newest one I heard is that we each may only have ~80 summers for ourselves. While 80 may seem like a lot to some it is sobering to hear a definitive number placed on your life especially as 80 creeps closer every summer, every day, for every one, or some have surpassed that altogether. It sure made me think where and how I might spend my 14 more summers. I’ve also heard it said that if our parents only had about 10 more years to live and we saw them once a year that means there would only be 10 more times to be with them before they would be gone. Sobering. Not to be morbid- just honest. It's like if we were told we only had a year to live, we would begin thinking about our days very differently. It's made me more aware how much I assume I have plenty of time for everything while whittling away moments that I don’t even realize might be my last. The magic is in the moments and what we do with them. For the many moments that are cut short there are as many that linger on longer than we imagined. The real question is are we saying and/or doing the things that need to be said or done while the moment is in our hands? 

~18 summers with your kids, ~80 summers with yourself, 10 more times with your parents…

As poetry is about fleshing out moments rather than telling a whole story, it has been the perfect muse for trying to be present in more of my moments. Despite that, many still feel like they are slipping through my hands.

What follows is a collection of thoughts on some of my recent poignant moments…

My “Aha" moments:  
*My best friend from 7th grade and I recently had a discussion about how surreal it is to know how we might die based on new diagnoses revealing what's breaking down in our bodies. Our days of thinking only as far out as The Prom are certainly over. If you laid all our conversations since junior high side by side, you would see that this was a first on this topic, and seeing how we hadn't seen each other in years, what would our next encounter entail? Would we be lucky enough to have m(any) more?

A truly sobering moment.

*As my brother sat in my poetry reading in our hometown, I realized this was the chance of a lifetime. It was probably my one shot at giving my take on the life we once shared in a full circle way as our eyes met across the room, saying more than the words. We didn't really talk about it, but it was a moment that I will remember as golden. Who doesn't want to have a captive audience of someone you always wanted to understand you, to say your piece directly to? I don't fully know how he digested it, but in itself, it was a satisfying moment. The reality of a moment is that it won't necessarily be complete. That being said, the more beautiful moments we gather the more they outweigh any (or many) that are not so beautiful. While we may not get to change a whole story, we can add to it one moment at a time, perhaps more intentionally, as we grow wiser. 

*It recently dawned on me that if I didn't share some hard truths about our family with my son he may never know the "whole" story or at least my story, and, consequently, he might not ever really know me. While I ran out of time and courage to tell him everything, I was left knowing that whatever truth he might carry about his ancestors was better if my part, at least, came straight from me. How many stories are left untold or distorted by not coming from a primary source? It reminded me how grateful I am for the closure I got in my last conversation with my Dad. Although he didn't give me answers I wanted to hear, I was grateful to not have as many questions to carry around after he was gone. 

*When we "shield" people we love from things, we might only add to the distortion of what they think they know. Sometimes that may be all for the best. In any case it is often beyond our control. We can’t decide for someone else what questions they may need to get answered. However, hopefully, if given the chance, we are ready to speak up if we get (or can create) as many of those right moments as we can in the time we have.

What are the moments you need to remember or have in your life?

Don’t hold back!!
May they be so.