Love Songs: Loving Down Into Your Bones
We all need some love. Right now. Deep down.
This is a simple strategy to not only give yourself some extra love, but to also notice what love is all around that you might have missed…
Need more love in your life? I can’t imagine anyone saying they have too much, but it’s hard to admit when we need more. Sometimes we don’t even know how much more we need. I recently sat in a circle of women that I have gathered with on the 2nd Saturday of every month since 1997, when one reminded me that years ago I’d given everyone a CD of love songs to sing to themselves. While I barely remembered doing that, it was a welcome reminder of how long ago I started on this mission to say and share more of the words we so desperately need.
Growing up on a daily diet of negative chatter I am amazed how long and hard it is to replace that chatter with words we need to say and deserve to hear. At the very beginning of my healing journey, I attended a 3 hour Native American prayer workshop.
Here’s all I remember:
We were asked to bring some kind of organic material like dried herbs or leaves and a stick of a certain length.
We were taught a life affirming chant to repeat (I have done nothing wrong is the only line I remember).
We sat for hours repeating it while we took portions of the organic material and laid it in the middle of a small square of fabric and tied the corners together.
The chant continued as we then tied each one onto our sticks until they were covered with the hanging bundles.
We were instructed to take our prayer sticks home, burn them, and watch the smoke of the affirmations dissipate into the air we breathe.
Originally this sounded like a crazy way to spend hours of my day. In fact, my friend and I found many times to roll our eyes and snicker. I wasn’t so sure there was anything to be gained by it, yet there I was. Every single time I repeated that one line in particular, I remember how foreign it felt to say something for so long and still not believe it. The weight of all the things I’d blamed myself for weighed heavy on me for those 3 hours. It resonated because I was raised to believe so many negative things without question. I know now that it was the beginning of a campaign to turn the tide of negativity by tipping the scales towards more of those words we need to counteract the negative tapes that play unchecked in our heads. Realizing that 3 hours turned out to be not nearly enough, I was in search of ways to somehow keep this practice going that I could easily incorporate into everyday life. That was where the idea and experience of singing love songs to myself was born that continues to this day. I recently played Because of You by 98 Degrees (boy bands, yes!) on repeat for 45 minutes at the gym, and it was reminiscent of letting those words sink down into me until I could believe them, perhaps embody them:
You’re my sunshine after the rain (I’m the one always there, rain or shine)
You’re the cure against my fear and my pain (I am the center of my own healing)
I’m losing my mind when you’re not around (How often have I not been there for myself?)
It’s all because of you (Let’s take some credit!)
No one else could ever take your place (We are irreplaceable.)
I’ll be there right by your side… (Let’s stand for ourselves. The greatest betrayal comes from within!)
Since then I have shared many words in book form and on social media (atinylight.com/about) all with one mission in mind:
May we find the words that are ours and ours alone. May we try to spread words of healing to outweigh those that are so much heavier and really do try to weigh us down. May we tip the scales towards the words we all deserve to say and to hear. May it be so. Taken from the Prologue, In Your Bones
And so, let the power of words and music fill your soul today and everyday, and for as long as necessary. And if you are tempted to roll your eyes and snicker, I dare you to try it. If 98 Degrees is not your cup of tea, try another. I have an endless playlist of songs that I have used and it changes all the time (i.e. Someday by Rob Thomas of Matchbox 20, Worthy by India Arie, Hold On by Wilson Phillips, This Little Light by JJ Heller, Hurt Me by Megan Trainor, I Wish I Knew How It Would Feel to be Free or Ain’t Got by Nina Simone…). Make the playlist that encapsulates the words you need to hear. Don’t stop listening until you believe them deep down.
And if you’re in need of a monthly boost, don’t forget to sign up for my 'Light Letter' at atinylight.com.
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